Free Dark Comedy Ebook–HOW TO HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

As promised, my dark comedy novelette (10k words) will be free for 5 days. So download your Kindle copy of HOW TO HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE from 3-19-13 through 3-23-13.

How To Have A Perfect Marriage Novelette Cover

Synopsis: Penola and Lennon have the perfect marriage because they follow twenty rules that ensure marital bliss. Controversial fiction author, Dicey Grenor, has released these rules so that couples everywhere can benefit from them. In case you’re wondering—hell yeah, it’s fiction…just like the “perfect” marriage. Fans of Dicey’s work will enjoy this novelette’s explosive combination of nonfiction and dark humor. New-to-Dicey readers will need to buckle up for this tongue-in-cheek ride and expect the unexpected.
Download here.
Why would I give my work away for free? Read my answer here. Bottom line–I hope you’ll enjoy it and tell someone else about it. Happy Reading!
Advertisements

Too Busy To Think Straight.

photo (2)When someone mentions I have too much on my plate, I think yeah, I do, but no more than any other working mom. I have a two-year-old, a five-year-old, a law practice, and books to write. So what. No biggie. Except on those days when I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Oh, yeah. They happen. Those days when I’m too damn busy to even think straight. Here’s the most ridiculous example I can think of:

Hubby and I had been talking about getting a crock pot. I’d love to make soup with it. He’d love to warm cheese dip for nachos. We just kept talking about it, so we finally went to the store and bought one. Wonderful. I was having the time of my life. Within a few days, I made vegetable beef soup, vegetable chicken soup, and chicken and sausage gumbo. Good times. I didn’t want to overdo it though. That was enough crock pot food for the week. I decided to wash it and put it away until the next time I was in the mood to go on a slow-cooking binge.

I proceeded to wash it. Then I proceeded to put it away. Then I saw–in my very own cabinet–an identical crock pot.

WTF!

You mean to tell me I had a crock pot all along? For how long? For the life of me, I couldn’t remember buying it.

I waited until hubby came home to mention it to him. I wanted to see the look on his face when he saw both crock pots. He didn’t disappoint. He looked as bewildered as I did. Neither of us had remembered buying the thing. He thought about it…and thought about it–and this is why I blame him for this mess (Ha Ha! I MUST blame somebody else for this)–he remembered buying the crock pot last year (2012) after we’d talked about it so much, for his Super Bowl nachos. He used it the one time and put it up.

Ohhhh. Yeah. Now, I remember. Those were good nachos, hon. So good that we BOTH forgot about buying and using a crock pot to eat them. *sighs*

So, am I doing too much?

You bet.

But I’m not the only one. Hubby’s doing too much too. We need a vacation.

OBVIOUSLY.

Devaluing Books to Gain Exposure~An Author’s Musing.

A friend just told me she loved my books and thought I had some serious talent, but I needed to stop giving them away. She said my books were too good for that. That I should stop devaluing them. I told her that it’s the best way to get exposure for indie authors. No one knows or cares who I am unless I give them a sample of my work. She said that was bullshit. That I should keep writing them and let them speak for themselves. If I’m patient, a handful of readers will turn into many, many more. It would take time, but my hard work would be more appreciated in the long run, which is what I deserve.

Well, patience is not my strongest quality, neither is counting on others to help spread the word. I tend to be more…aggressive. BUT I agree that in theory, I would publish my books, let people know they are published, then sit back and let them decide whether to buy them. Then wait for them to read them. Then see if they liked them. And pray that they told somebody else about them. In theory, that’s how it would work. It just doesn’t.

This is how it really works:

Dicey: “Hey, friend. I just published such-n-such book.”

Friend: “That’s awesome. Congratulations.”

The end.

Repeat to Friend B. And C. And so forth.

Sometimes it works likes this:

Dicey: “Hey, friend. I just published such-n-such book.”

Friend: “That’s awesome. Congratulations. Because I think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, I have to buy that.”

Dicey: “Aw, shucks. Thanks! Let me know what you think.”

Friend buys it. Six months later…

Dicey: “Hey, friend. What did you think?”

Friend: “Of what?”

Dicey: “My book.”

Friend: “Oh, sorry. I haven’t read it yet.”

Dicey: 😦 Nobody loves me.

I ask again in another six months. Same answer.

The end.

Sometimes it goes like this:

Dicey: “Hey, friend. I just published a book.”

Friend: “That’s awesome. Congratulations. What is it about?”

Dicey: “It’s about Ca-RAZY stuff. There’s some explicit sex, some violence, some really racy themes. It’s not for the squeamish or easily offended.”

Friend: “Oh, wow! That sounds like something I would love to read. Where can I find it?”

Dicey: “Here’s a paperback copy. They’re also on Amazon Kindle.”

Friend: “I’m going to buy it ASAP.”

Friend buys the book.

Dicey: “Wonderful! THANKS! Let me know what you think, tell your friends, and post an honest review on Amazon when you’re done.”

Friend: “Okay.”

A few days later…

Friend: “Oh, my God! Dicey, you are the bomb. I always knew you were, but WOW! You are really the bomb. That book was awesome. It was very vivid. It had hot sex scenes. It had a great, surprising plot. You’re my favorite author in the whole wide world.” (Okay, so I’m embellishing here, but it’s my blog.)

Dicey: “Yay! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Did you write a review?”

Friend: “No.”

Dicey: “Did you tell anybody?”

Friend: “No.”

Dicey: “Okay.”

Six months later…

Dicey: “Hey, Friend. Did you post an honest review or tell anybody about my book yet?”

Friend: “No.”

Dicey: “Okay.”

The end.

So, you see? I’ll be 101 years old before reaping the benefits of reaching out to my friends or letting word of mouth gain exposure for my books. That doesn’t mean I’m not eternally grateful for those who DO buy and/or read my books. Do not be mistaken! That’s better than nothing, trust me! I’m happy when that happens. I’m just making a point about exposure.

When I have a free promotion period on Amazon, I increase my chances of spreading the word about my books. My husband likes to call it “Playing The Numbers Game”. The more people who have access to it, the more to actually read it. The more to actually read it, the more reviews and chitchat about it. The more reviews and chitchat, the more sales. The more sales, the more readers, the more awesome I feel as an author, the more books I write…and the cycle continues.

When I do a free promotion, it goes like this:

Dicey: “Hey, Everybody. My book is free. Leave a review when you’re done.”

Everybody: “Oh, shiznit! Thanks.”

Two thousand downloads from every country and state later…

More sales, more reviews, more fans on FB, more followers on Twitter, more hits to my website, and more friendships formed with people who share common interests. Mostly, copies are just stored on Kindles and other reading devices along with the millions of other free ebooks BUT I just made a few more fans than I had before the free promotion downloads.

When I give a free copy of my book to Friend, it’s a wild card that could go either way. They may not ever read it or write a review or tell another soul about it OR they may do all of the above. It’s a gamble I take. I’m out of long, sleepless nights writing something entertaining and the cost to publish my book then give it away for free if they do neither. BUT if they happen to spread the love, it was an investment with a favorable return. That’s golden. I have to take that chance sometimes, and sometimes I have to give it to thousands to increase my chances.

That being said, I make Sleepy Willow’s Bonded Soul, book 1 of The Narcoleptic Vampire Series free every now and then, but I do not EVER, nor do I intend to make any other book in the series free. My rationale is that once you read book 1, you know whether you like my writing style, whether you can handle the risque’ content, and whether you want to continue. At that point, you can buy the other books in the series. You can treat book 1 as a sample. If you don’t like it, you’ve only wasted a little time. If I make all the other books in the series free, I’ve wasted ALL my time.

I’ve made Shameful (Taboo Fiction) free in the past too. There were fifteen hundred downloads, with no reviews and a handful of sales later. Within recent weeks, I’ve had an increase in sales for it, but I attributed it to some of the other promotional things I’ve done recently. I’m still hopeful that those who downloaded the book when it was free will read it one day and let me know what they think. I will not make that one free again.

I’ve recently released a dark comedy novelette, How To Have A Perfect Marriage, that I will make free one day soon, so keep an eye out for that. It’s only $.99 now, which isn’t much, but for some reason FREE screams a totally different tune. Yes, it screams Cheap-Because-This-May-Be-Another-Crappy-Book, but at least it screams it to potential readers I wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to promote to. Once it’s free, there will be thousands of downloads, I’m sure. Hopefully, there will be thousands of readers too, who will also want to buy some of my other books. I will probably write more short works like this and make them free periodically as samples of my writing.–>Playing The Numbers game.

To the friend who said I was devaluing my books by giving them away–Yes, you are right. One day, I hope to be in a position where I can actually let the quality of my books speak for themselves. I hope friends like you will continue to spread the word about them. I hope they will find other readers who love them as much as you do. And I hope that they will eventually be appreciated. We’ll be able to look back on these days and say, “Wow. Can you believe I gave them away for free?” And you’ll smile at me and say, “No, I can’t. But at least you don’t have to do that anymore.” Friend, thanks for the verbal bitch-slapping. I love that you love me and my books enough to tell me to stop doing that. One day, I’ll be in a position to follow your advice.

*hugs and kisses*

Big, emotional THANK YOU! to those of you who buy, read, and/or share information about my books. ❤