Free Dark Comedy Ebook–HOW TO HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

As promised, my dark comedy novelette (10k words) will be free for 5 days. So download your Kindle copy of HOW TO HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE from 3-19-13 through 3-23-13.

How To Have A Perfect Marriage Novelette Cover

Synopsis: Penola and Lennon have the perfect marriage because they follow twenty rules that ensure marital bliss. Controversial fiction author, Dicey Grenor, has released these rules so that couples everywhere can benefit from them. In case you’re wondering—hell yeah, it’s fiction…just like the “perfect” marriage. Fans of Dicey’s work will enjoy this novelette’s explosive combination of nonfiction and dark humor. New-to-Dicey readers will need to buckle up for this tongue-in-cheek ride and expect the unexpected.
Download here.
Why would I give my work away for free? Read my answer here. Bottom line–I hope you’ll enjoy it and tell someone else about it. Happy Reading!

Guaranteed To Make You Smile.

I’m having a good day. Just released my third novel, the sequel to The Narcoleptic Vampire Series, and already had a great review posted. So I’m singing a tune and whistling like Earl Hagen on the Andy Griffith theme song.

I want you to be happy too. And if reading my novel or looking at my cover doesn’t do it for you, maybe these clips will:

Guaranteed To Make You Smile videos…

1. This girl is twirling on a pole, and she means business. She is obviously no amateur. She’s got the moves. The attitude. The right music. Suddenly, something goes badly wrong. My favorite comment on the video, “She looks like she unscrewed herself from the ceiling.” Why, yes. Yes, she does.

2. This guy tries to dunk and…misses. He is applauded for his effort, and for having faith in his flying abilities.

3. Carl Lewis butchered the National Anthem at a 90’s NBA game. I couldn’t find a video with the whole song, but you get the idea. I don’t know whether you’ll laugh or cry with this one. We’re still waiting for him to make up for it.

4. Mariah Carey pitches at a baseball game opening in Tokyo. And well…at least she looks good.

5. Dancing is not enough for this guy. He has to do it on the treadmill too. And he just won’t stop. I’m going to blame rap music for this one.

So hopefully, the release of my book on Kindle and paperback made you smile. If not, maybe at least one of these five videos did. 😀 Have a wonderful day!

You Tell Him, Girl!

My husband emailed me the following jokes last week. Even though I’m more of a dry humor, sarcasm type of girl, I thought these were cute. Would love to track down the original source to give credit, but you know how email chains are. The source gets lost along the way. Nevertheless, they’re still funny. The perfect beginning for another glorious week.

1
He said to me, “I don’t know why you wear a bra. You’ve got nothing to put in it”. I said to him, “You wear pants don’t you?”

2
He said to me, “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?” I said to him, “That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
.”

3
He said to me, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?” I said to him
, “Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

4
He said to me, “Why don’t women blink during foreplay?” I said to him, “They don’t have time.”


5
He said to me, “How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?” I said to him, “I don’t know. It has never happened.


6

He said to me, “Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?” I said to him, “They already have boyfriends.”


7
He said to me, “What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?” I said to him, “A widow.


8
He said to me, “Why are married women heavier than single women?” I said to him, “Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed
. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.”

If you are the author of this or know the author, let me know and I will update this post. Or remove. Whichever floats your boat. Thanks.

Need Something To Turn Your Life Around…Or A Laugh?

If your life is in the dump and you need a pick-me-up, perhaps you should try this Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee for only $11.95. With over 2,000 reviews, it is highly recommended on Amazon.com. This is what a few happy customers had to say:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best ever, November 18, 2011, By Ruby Chiarito

“Since buying this shirt I have become a war hero, time traveled, made millions in the stock market, stopped drug wars, and made love to women across the world while hunting diamonds.”

5.0 out of 5 stars Never a Lone Wolf Again!, May 19, 2009, By Lupidorr Theopian

“When my order arrived, I was not disappointed. As the UPS truck was driving down the street with my delivery, my female neighbors began opening their doors and stepping outside. I suspect the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt contains powerful lupine pheromones…[It] gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many.

Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services.”

5.0 out of 5 stars Well I am now dating the whole Hawaiian Tropic Girls team, November 22, 2011, By MaxPower

“So first off, the UPS man didn’t even deliever this all the way to the door. I think he knew what was inside this box and whoever lived in my house was the ultimate badass. Well I am the ultimate badass!…”

5.0 out of 5 stars A purchase you won’t regret., May 5, 2009, By Nonbon

“Every night, for the past 6 weeks, I have been visited by 3 wolf sprirts. And every night, they bestow upon me endless amounts of knowledge and offerings of imitation crab meat. They consider me their brothern, and I have found clarity and purpose in my life.”

5.0 out of 5 stars Life-altering!, May 12, 2009, By Murray Mc Dougall

“When I put this T-shirt on for the first time, my wife left me! Thank you, Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt!”

5.0 out of 5 stars Oh sweet Jesus this thing rocks, May 5, 2009, By B. Prince

“I have been wearing this shirt for about 15 weeks and I have not needed to wash it! You don’t put this shirt on your torso you put it on your soul. The day I bought this shirt I lost 300 lbs! I got a new chevy, a new Trailer and my kids quit meth.”

Unfortunately, not everyone was satisfied.

1.0 out of 5 stars May have side effects,May 29, 2009, By Frank “The Frank”

“The effect that this t-shirt has on women is pretty impressive. Unfortunately its natural healing powers reversed my vasectomy and I impregnated nine women in two weeks before I realized. They all had twin boys. Now I have 18 sons and spend most of my money on child support and condoms.”

1.0 out of 5 stars Defective!!!,May 21, 2009,By Matthew D. Shanahan

“I ordered this shirt for my brother’s birthday and it only had TWO wolves on it. When I called Amazon customer service they informed me that the third wolf was on back order. They said the could ship me out another moon, but that would make for a ridiculous t-shirt.”

1.0 out of 5 stars Bummer,May 28, 2009, By Lord of The Chavs “Los Feliz Massive, innit!”

“I put this away with my other T-shirts and before you know it it had devoured my Three Sheep T-Shirt.”

DISCLAIMER: For entertainment purposes only.